Only One
by AlinaLotus
Summary: Sick of his refusal to acknowledge his own feelings, Sakura gives Kakashi an ultimatum. :Because death has to be better than this:


**Warnings are language and dark theme. **

_Broken this fragile thing now  
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces  
And I've thrown my words all around  
But I can't, I can't give you a reason_

_I feel so broken up_  
_And I give up_  
_I just want to tell you so you know_

_Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you_  
_You are my only one_  
_I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you_  
_You are my only, my only one_

_Made my mistakes, let you down_  
_And I can't, I can't hold on for too long_  
_Ran my whole life in the ground_  
_And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone_

_Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you_  
_You are my only one_  
_I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you_  
_You are my only my only one_

_Here I go so dishonestly_  
_Leave a note for you my only one_

_And I know you can see right through me  
So let me go and you will find someone_

_You are my only one_

It was the same old argument, the same flurry of accusations and pleadings. He hated the pain--because despite what he'd lead her to believe, watching her like this hurt him on every level--but he would deal with it. It was for her benefit.

"Don't you care that you're killing me?" Her hair was ruffled by the breeze, her eyes betraying the emotions she tried so desperately to keep under lock and key.

Oh, he cared. He cared _very_ much. But there was a line he refused to cross because he refused to break her heart. She'd understand someday.

"There are some things a shinobi doesn't do." Kakashi replied, his arms folded across his chest. As difficult as this was for him, constantly lying and making the only woman he ever truly felt love for miserable, he revelled in the time he could spend with her. It was just them, now, hidden from the world.

" 'You think it's all about you! You think it's a game!' Isn't that what you said? You're such a hypocrite! God, you're so damn arrogant!"

"Sakura, I--"

"And you're just so focused on what's wrong about this! You never stop to think about the good, what's right about us! It's all negative, it's all impossible!" Sakura raged, gripping a tree trunk, pulling it from the ground. Her superhuman strength never ceased to amaze him.

"In the ninja world, those who break the rules are scum, Sakura. I also spoke those words that day. And I will not dishonor my nindo in this way. I will not dishonor _you_ in this way."

Sakura slammed the tree trunk back into the ground. "You promised me something, once. That you'd defend your comrades with your life. Well what the fuck am I, Kakashi? I know I'm more then that, give me some credit! All I'm asking is you keep that promise; I want your life. I want it to be _mine_. If you don't, if you can't--I won't be able to go on."

"And then what?" Kakashi said, exasperated. "And then what happens when I hurt you, time and time again? When you're in tears because of what I've done or what I've said, when you decide you can't deal with it any longer!"

Sakura laughed wryly. "Take a look around, sensei! That's were I am right now!"

"You're too--" Kakashi began, but Sakura held up a silencing hand.

"_Don't_. Just--stop. Don't you dare act like I have no idea, no clue, what it takes to love you. Look at me, sensei! Can't you see my heart is bleeding?" Sakura pressed both of her palms over her heart.

Kakashi tore his eyes away from her, not sure how much longer he could stand this. She was right, as usual. He as good as drug a shuriken through her chest every time he refused her, refused to accept what they truly were.

"It isn't fair, and you know it." Sakura said, stepping closer to him, and he knew he should have moved, fled, but her scent was entrapping and he always lost himself in her eyes.

"The life of a ninja is never fair." Kakashi countered, his eye falling shut as Sakura wrapped her hands around his biceps.

"Just tell me," Sakura said, pressing her cheek to his chest. "Tell me you love me. I don't even care if it's true any more; lie, if you have to."

Kakashi couldn't help himself. His control was depleted, and his arms found their way around Sakura's body. "Why?" He managed to choke out.

Because if he didn't make this real, didn't take her, she had no choice. She would have to employ the only defense strong enough; the long, peaceful sleep, the inability to feel anything. Maybe if she stopped breathing her heart wouldn't hurt so bad.

He could hear the defeat in her voice, and his heart crumbled. So she'd finally given up, realized that no matter what their feelings were for each other, there was no possible that, as her former teacher, he could ever give her what she wanted. She'd be happier, one day, when she could be with somebody that was better for her, that deserved her.

"Sakura," He said, caressing her name in that way he reserved just for her, and he tilted her chin up, looking into her eyes. "I could not love anybody the way I love you." And it was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, to kiss her, knowing he wouldn't ever get the chance again. Because Sakura was never a slow learner and he'd finally beaten her down.

Her lips, so familiar, so warm, molded to his, a perfect fit. Before his self-control was entirely drained, Kakashi roughly pushed himself from her, flitting away into the trees. He glanced back over his shoulder, immediately wishing he hadn't.

Sakura was on her knees, her fists over her eyes, body wracking with sobs. He swallowed hard, and continued through the tree cover.

* * *

She would miss him; that was much was certain. She'd never be able to forget him, as if she wanted to, though he assured her countless times that she would, when she realized that he was no good for her.

But she knew better. They were both symmetrical halves of a perfect whole, and she could see it in the way Kakashi looked at her, sometimes, when he thought she wasn't paying attention.

She sighed, making the final flourish of her signature on the note. So, it had really come down to this cowardice. Sakura shook her head, setting the note on the counter top. Kakashi had made his choice, and she'd made hers.

* * *

Kakashi's eyes widened, horrified, as he comprehended the last sentence in Sakura's note. _Because death has to be better than this...this way, I only have to lose you once, instead of every day. _

He crumpled the note, flying from his apartment with a speed he'd never seen in himself. He knew where she'd be; it was fitting, after all, that she end it in the place where it all began.

* * *

It was here, on the high bridge, that she'd first heard his name. A young girl with no sense of the world then, she'd brushed off the immediate lurch her heart had felt when Kakashi brought his gaze to her own, asking for her introduction.

If only she had known, then...no, it wouldn't have mattered. She wouldn't have done things differently. She'd loved with her whole self, given Kakashi every last bit of her. The only thing that could be worse would be regret at never having tried. She'd lost it all to him--her first kiss, her virginity, her sanity. But that's how she always hoped it would be, that one man would take all of her.

Sakura inhaled deeply, wondering if she'd miss the scent of the trees blowing in the wind, or the rush of the river, never too far off. She shrugged. It didn't really matter, not any more. She sat cross-legged on the ground, the blade of the kunai against her thigh, the tip a perfect arrow against her femoral artery.

"I love you Kakashi." She whispered her last words, pushing the blade into her skin.

As the knife sliced, the feel of Kakashi's arms around her smothered her. Oh, man, this _couldn't_ be happening...not now, not when she'd finally had the strength to let go of him. Now she felt his lips, hard against hers, and...wet? His tears? No, it couldn't be...but dying will do many unexpected things.

Well, if this _was_ dying, it wasn't so bad...

"Sakura," Heaven help her, his voice...it had always been one of her favorite things about him, and just now it was making her head swim. "You will _never_ do this to me. You will never leave me."

Sakura took a sharp intake of breath, opening her eyes as she felt something pinch around her leg. Her vision blurry, she saw the outline of Kakashi's silver hair at her hip, saw his fingers pulling his mask into a tightly bound tourniquet around the gash she'd made on her leg.

"Sensei?" She whispered, hardly daring to believe that this was real.

"I'm here, Sakura." He said, and Sakura reached up, touching his jaw. It was damp...so it really had been his tears she'd felt.

"I don't understand." Sakura said, shaking her head. Her vision was starting to become more blurry, her movements lethargic; the blood loss was getting to her.

"What's to understand?" Kakashi lifted her into his arms, holding her as close as possible to him, and she could feel the air on her face as he started to run with her.

"But what are you doing here? You should've--"

Kakashi squeezed his arms tighter around her. "I'm keeping my promise, Sakura." He said, and touched his lips to hers.

* * *

"So she's okay? I mean what the hell was she even thinking, training by herself?" Naruto demanded, glaring up at Kakashi, who was barring the way into Sakura's hospital room.

"Visiting hours are over, Naruto, come back tomorrow." Kakashi slammed the door shut in Naruto's face. He'd easily believed Kakashi's explanation of Sakura's wound, though the medical staff of course had to be informed of what really had happened.

Sakura had lost consciousness before they'd arrived at the hospital, but she'd given him a smile after he'd kissed her, an accepting smile. Kakashi swore that she would never have to be put to these kind of limits again, because he'd realized that the only thing worse (for her--for _himself_--) than being together, was being apart.

He may well be the one to cause her pain from time to time, but he would also be the one to ease that pain. He would devote his entire self to her, to making her as happy as he possibly could. There would be laughter and joy, and sometimes it might be bittersweet and dark clouds might cover their blue sky, but Kakashi knew, as Sakura reached out for him, their fingers intertwining, that they would face whatever lay ahead of them together.

Because there were some things a shinobi didn't do, and living a life without meaning was one of them.

**Lyrics used are Only One by Yellowcard. As ever, feedback is appreciated.**


End file.
